Dreams of fiction

There are times when I want so badly to dive headlong into a story of fiction that I wonder if my dreams are still teeming with a similar caliber of passion. I timidly ask myself if it's the desire to find a connection with made-up characters, or if it's the longing for vivid creativity built on reality that draws me in.

The artistry is in the hand that draws the piece, but the effect is in the viewer's perspective and response.

I'm wont to find beauty in even the seemingly bland interactions of strangers, so if a novel, film, or show captures the idiosyncrasies that people inhabit and the varying nuances of relationships, then I am utterly captivated-- not only by the bare dialogue or inner thoughts of those I'm reading about/watching, but also by the clarity and complexities of the mirror they could potentially hold up to me and the world surrounding.

I am intrigued by the notion that I may have a slight obsession with the intricacies of people's stories-- the how, the why, the when, the WHOM by which they came to be at the exact place and time they were when I came to know about them or, better yet, where/when our paths intersected.

Maybe that's why I like reading so much, or am intrigued by character-driven cinema: because the writers of those stories freely give up [hopefully] copious amounts of deep detail of one's life and I didn't have to do a dang thing to get it except flip a page or press play. I didn't have to probe and prove annoying by asking dozens of questions to find out their history, interests, goals, worldview, etc. Besides my affinity of listening to wherever someone came from to end up where they are, it's important to me that I'm well-liked. Sometimes I'm convinced that the people I read about or watch-- fictional or not-- probably wouldn't want to spend a single minute with me, much less divulge their deepest, most authentic thoughts on life and love in an endless barrage of question/answer conversation to get to the bottom of his or her makeup. So if I'm privy to the inward intentions and past of a person but don't have to interfere directly to find those things out, then put a mark in the win column.

But I think that's the rub for me-- to seek real life relationship, I need to be intentional.

I need to do some work.

I need to show care, compassion, interest, and a true desire to actually dig into what makes my family members and friends and neighbors and strangers and so forth tick. It takes more effort than just using my eyes to follow sentences on paper or frames on a screen. It takes focus, transparency, and time. It's an unhealthy issue if I start to get more excited about the next book, episode, or sequel I'm about to devour than I do about listening to my wife describe her day or grabbing coffee with my buddy or having friends over for dinner.

I don't want the line to blur.

Artistic stories about complicated people are intriguing entertainment, enjoyable imaginative journeys, and wonderful learning tools to help color and expand my perspective, but I'm missing out on a huge chunk of living if my hope and fulfillment are found in something that is ultimately just a shadow... powerful for sure, but fundamentally only a figment that gives us glimpses of ourselves and the people around us, but never the whole, true thing: personal, lasting connection.

Or, in a word, love.

That's what I crave and dream about. That's what we live for. To experience the heart of another, to find out the different dynamics and dimensions and depths of love.

And it all points back to Him.

Why be broken and bound by breakable boundaries??

Bridge

It's difficult for me to put into words how I feel and what I think about the "race relations", grand jury decisions, protesting, and rioting going on around the nation right now.  I don't believe that my footing here in a suburb of Portland, Oregon has a very sturdy foundation to stand on that will help shed much light on anything going on. I don't think many people will be able to hear me nor do I expect my words to bear a lot of weight in light of so much turbulence and pain and assumptions and anger and arrogance and varying perspectives/worldviews. But I have to try, because it seems like I'm right in the middle of everything, even though I'm far removed from most of the action.

You see... I'm white. (Duh.) But I love, LOVE black people. I love people in general, folks of all races and from all countries, but since most of America is intent on making this whole thing a black vs. white (hate writing that) argument, I'll just stick with talking about that percentage of America. 

I doubt that it's only because I listen to hip hop and gospel music and play basketball that I tend to truly connect with black folks. That's just silly stereotypical stuff. (And yes, I'm going to write, 'black' just like I write, 'white'. I don't call myself a European American, and I'm not going to call the black community African Americans. We're all Americans-- I've just gotta differentiate between the two when writing.) Maybe, just maybe I connect with them so well because while it'd be less-than-genuine of me to claim that I do not see skin color at all, I can honestly say that whatever epidermis pigmentation I observe does not in any way affect the way that I interact with or think about them and their value. It's probably due to the way I was raised-- by two godly, gracious parents who didn't teach me to not associate with someone simply because of their appearance or national origin, but rather to see everybody as human, each with their own story, family, dreams, talents, and personality. And by God's grace, it stuck. Maybe that's why my trips to Compton to work with the youth down there went so well and developed so easily for me. And maybe that's why I smile at the thought of going downtown to the homeless community to talk with and pray for whomever I encounter there, whether black, white, or green. (No, not the Hulk.)

I've seen and read SO MANY videos and articles/posts about the injustice of it all: the racism, the ineptitude or malevolence of the "system", the extreme prejudiced mentality and actions of law enforcement, the biased judicial system, and so on.....  my thought is this: How does any of this help??  Who "wins" in all of this? And how are we moving TOWARD peace?

We the outsiders (as 99.9% of us are in these big cases) need to understand: the mainstream media HAS AN AGENDA.  DON'T lose sight of that fact.  There is a very specific reason that only these 2 cases (Michael Brown's & Eric Garner's deaths) have blown up around this country in the past several months-- because the media knew that these 2 stories would get the biggest reactions around the nation. They knew that if they wrote up yet another piece about a black man found slain at the hands of another black man, that it wouldn't generate much traffic on their sites; that if they conducted an interview with a famous person about a case of a white man who was shot by a white cop in the heat of an altercation, that most viewers would watch and then click on to the next video; that even if it was flipped and they featured an article about a white citizen shooting a black cop, that the majority of the public would read, be saddened then just scroll on by to the next story. Those might gain a little attention, but nowhere near the number of eyes laid on and comments made about the Ferguson & Staten Island stories.

I say all of that to back up this: We don't know everything. We don't. Try as you might to find all of the clips and news reports that cite sources and name meticulous details, but without reading the official Grand Jury report or time-traveling to those exact moments before and during each incident or speaking directly with the accused officers, we simply do not know everything. And I sure as heck don't understand it all, including the decisions. We have to stop assuming we know the intentions behind every person's actions. And we also have to stop assuming the offense or hurt of others as our very own when an action does not directly affect us in our respective circumstances.

While I completely defend the protesters' right to do such things, I firmly believe that large, chanting groups holding signs will not ultimately accomplish very much. Demonstrations are not on a human level and usually only grab's someone's artificial attention. It doesn't hold it or result in a changed or deepened mindset. Many of them will find much more success when they engage their audience with meaningful, respectful dialogue. 

And that's where my questions/thoughts come back into play: How does it help? Who wins? Are we moving toward peace?

I'm not playing Miss America here and saying that my greatest dream is world peace. I don't think that's actually attainable. However, I do strongly believe in peace. Peace of a different variety, peace that not only brings vying factions into better, mutual understanding but also calms, comforts, and touches us spiritually. A serene knowing that God's got it, that I am loved, and that I don't have to go to crazy extremes to try and convey my heart in order to be accepted-- but that I am already in the arms of Love. 

I wish I could hug Michael Brown's family and friends. I wish I could cry with and console Eric Garner's family and friends. And I also wish I could talk with and show compassion to Darren Wilson and Daniel Pantaleo and their families, friends, and co-workers. Because, you see, those former people need love and support while dealing with the death of their loved ones; and those latter gentlemen, whether or not you believe what they did was borne out of a racist mindset, were trying to do their job well. Even if what they did was an enormous, disheartening mistake, they now have to live with not only the fact that they took a life, but also with the unbelievable, national backlash they're receiving. And stepping further, if what they did was indeed a result of racist, hateful, prejudiced thoughts, what good does it do to disarm and dislike all of the valiant, healthy-minded individuals of the law enforcement who risk their lives to serve and protect our cities each and every day? The number of bad or dirty cops is microscopic. They do not represent the rest of the police force. And by all known accounts, Wilson and Pantaleo were not dirty. They should not be condemned by millions of strangers nationwide. The 2 men who were killed did not 'have it [death] coming' to them. They should not be posthumously judged by ANYbody.

I know I've said this before, but I do. not. mind. disagreement... as long as the conversation/debate is upheld by respect, compassion, listening ears, and proper responses (i.e.-- no character bashing or random, off-base rabbit trails). You don't hear anyone when you shout. And it's hard to register what you're actually saying if it's coming completely from anger. 'Be angry and do not sin,' Paul writes in the letter to the Ephesians. If you're angry, it's fine! Just don't let it go on too long and morph into bitterness, unforgiveness, and uncontrollable rage. Your sea must still to calm waters enough for me to know where the boat is heading and why. Progress happens with communication. 

I believe that's possible, folks. I believe in hope, in faith, and in love. There is no divide in the Kingdom of God. If you're in it, you're not a 'black son' or a 'white daughter'-- you're a child of the living God. And if you want a national truth, you're not a 'white American' or 'black American'-- you're a citizen of America. Period. Labels are limitations, so why propagate the separation by continually using them in our interactions and posts? The sooner we can get out of that categorization mindset, the sooner the "race relations" topic becomes a laughably antiquated notion of insecure people who stand on a false platform and swing away for the faux cause they feel empowered to fight for.

So can we do this? I don't know. I sure hope so. I'll try my best to do my part. I have to... Because I believe that this WILL help, and it WILL bring victories for people of different races and backgrounds, and it WILL promote and draw us nearer to that ever-elusive peace.

I pray the grace and goodness of God on all of you who read this. Thank you for taking the time. I didn't say everything I wanted to nor did I say things perfectly, so please excuse my lack of proficiency and professionalism, and please know that I tried my darnedest to say everything in love, without the slightest intention of hurting anybody. I'm still a work in progress... May my heart bleed through the pages.

~J

#Grace  #Love  #Ferguson  #MichaelBrown  #StatenIsland  #EricGarner  #GrandJury  #MeaningfulDiscussion  #Compassion

Hang on

Who of us is the best one? Who determines strength, talent, and place of honor? How do you verify that what you hold to be true of yourself is actually true?

I have a few thoughts...

These are simply thoughts of a theoretically thorough thinker. My best guess is that my ponderings are anything but thorough; rather, they are incomplete musings on life in Christ from a 21st century white American's perspective.

But while those identification labels are accurate on the surface, they fall well short of describing the identity that was purchased on my behalf at Calvary and subsequently redeemed a few days later. The years during which I walk this earth merely confine me to a time, a specific era, not the rippling effect of a legacy; the color of my skin and ancestry don't define my true inheritance or familial ties, just an earthly heritage; and the geographical location where I reside doesn't explain where Home is, where my eternal citizenship lies, only a temporal nation that I'm part of.

My design was effortless for our mighty God, but He paid attention to every little nuance, every single complexity that's part of my makeup. That is beyond beautiful. And that is something I am eternally, thoroughly grateful for.

ARMOR.

Lift my head, and help me take up this shield of faith. My heart will yield to your face, your desires, and your truth as your steal away every ounce of my pride. It's the fear you take when I call your name in which the enemy stakes his claim in our lives. That fear is shattered when perfect love arrives, its tenants prescribing the revolution of denying self. This belt of truth buckled around my waist swelters under the burning heat of Spirit fire. It squelches ambiguity and denial and self-preservation. The intensity I felt upon its first placement was unlike anything else, the sensations unveiling a melted, mutated mess of what used to be masked selfishness. Now it's readiness that my feet are fitted with, a form fit previously unforeseen, uncovered by the beauty and wonder of the gospel of peace. I take it to the streets, battling the enemy while looking for many an unfamiliar face, standing firm in grace, and knowing I have the breastplate of righteousness set in place. My identity is secure in the One who stands in the gap, giving me breath, watching my back. I stand for Him because of and by that which He stands for me: His power, honor, and glory. He understands my weakness, and He longs to grant me meekness and understanding. So He hands me some strands of wisdom when I ask for it, seeking more preparedness for my flesh to be slain by the sword of the Spirit; for my heart and soul to be equipped by the Word 'til the end, 'til the win is imminent. Until then, I'm led by the wind that spins me where I am to live, protected beneath the sturdy  everlasting helmet of salvation. I'm God's forever with His cleansing, His redeeming, His forgiveness, and His bleeding: His saving love, His sinless life, His grace that suffices, and His perfect sacrifice. In full armor in the Spirit I pray. Alert and on guard, I lift up the saints: those in Christ Jesus I can't even see, who have on God's armor and are part of His family; the ones I won't meet on this side of Heaven, the brothers and sisters laying their lives down with insistence for the Name that is above every other name, that gives sight to the blind and new legs to the lame. We walk in one accord, for we can't afford to forget that there's one love, one life, by one Lord. It's He who creates, sustains, saves, and maintains. He lifts up our heads, gives to the weak His amazing strength, and covers us with the armor that empowers us to stand and proclaim grace.

Meaning

As we gather here together on this beautiful Christmas day, let us keep in mind our glorious God and the mighty price He paid. Each moment gets sweeter, the love and the hope grow greater, whenever we remember our wonderful, powerful Savior. This isn't just a party or a holiday get-together. It's a temporal prototype of the eternal unity God tethers. Every single one of us is unbelievably blessed. And yet, so often we can tend to take for granted and forget: My life is not my own-- it was purchased by a death. It was bought by a stripped and suffering servant king from Nazareth. He came to bring a better way, and in our place, to die. He came to initiate a new covenant by which we go from darkness to Light. This crazy plan of God's is the ultimate divine conspiracy; its pure genius blowing the minds of men and women for a few dozen centuries. To put it into words would be something like this: 'No greater love'. Crucified, resurrected, then seated at the right hand of Abba above. Don't forget why we celebrate, why we eat feasts and open presents? Don't forget why we take a break from work, put up lights and hang pretty ornaments? Remember the meaning of those manger scenes, no matter how contrived. Remember the meaning of those classic songs, which speak of Christ alive. Pray for the grieving parents who just lost a member of their family. Pray for the lonely widow who now has to put up her own stocking and tree. Let us not lose sight of the downcast, the poor, or the needy. Let's respond to grace with gratitude that produces generosity. It's a courageous thing to give, whether it be cash, hugs, time, or smiles. So how fearless will we be when we walk with brothers and sisters through trials? Let's renew our minds to all that we have and whom we were made to be. Spirit, keep laying on our hearts that we're sons and daughters of the King. We are anchored in hope and secured in unspeakable joy, procured by the Christ who came for His own as a helpless baby boy. We can approach boldly the throne of grace now, because of what God has done. He gave us more than we ever deserved by sending us His son.

FIRST of FIVE (pt.1)

My Top 5 Albums of 2011:

1) Shane & Shane~ The One You Need

 Barnard and Everett start out the outstanding album with Liberty, an epic, lyrically uplifting, musically inspiring mound of sound that is one of the best album-openers I've ever laid ears on. In addition to its exciting, rhythmic and contagious melodic chorus, its crescendoing bridge which leads to the brief pause prior to the climax is absolutely incredible, exclaiming 'I am free!' Top 50 worthy track, for sure. As is Your Love...

Replete with full, gorgeous instrumentation and breathtaking vocals, Your Love is a phenomenal standalone song; when placed right next to Liberty, it's almost too much to take (in a very good way). I have often put this track on repeat for hours at a time, and am taken to such a sweet spot of settling into the presence of Holy Spirit, allowing His abundant love to wash over me.

The flow of the entire album is so smooth, so unassuming in its approach to the listener's tastes, blending uptempo with ballad seamlessly. Without You and Future Version are two more very well produced songs, the former containing a passionate, pleading chorus that'll get stuck in your head and heart for days; the latter containing a fantastic back and forth between a man and God about his futile attempts at self-righteousness and the Lord's supremely gracious response about His love that is never taken away.

Because He's God has some of the best conversational verses of the album, obviously very topical in this all-roads-lead-to-the-same-place kind of prevalent paradigm people are foolishly clinging to. And of course, the bridge... My gosh, what an incredibly moving bridge... Particularly the 'It's the pathway to Zion...' Ah, gives me chills :) Jesus is the way!

Don't tell anyone, but the title track is actually, unbelievably, my least favorite song on the whole album. However, if you ask me what my favorite song is, in about 5 years, it'll probably be this one... That of course is assuming my wife and I will have a little baby girl by then. ;-) The song is a very good one, very sweet, quite touching. I don't know though, there are just so many phenomenal songs on this album. It's actually very impressive that there are ZERO bad or even mediocre songs on The One You Need. S&S have compiled a complete work of art.

Transitions are very well done (which was touched on above) and those which connect Miracle, Victory, and Running to You to their preceding and succeeding songs--as well as each other, of course--are no exception. While in the stages of reluctant acceptance of the ending of one track, we're introduced subtly, nudged if you will, to the welcome sounds of something new and exciting and intriguing. An 'Ooo, what's next? This sounds good!' kind of thought often interrupts an 'Ah bummer, I wish they could've kept going with that one.' This kind of quality writing and production is even exhibited with a song that features the vocals within the first second of play-- the beautiful musical swell and captivating lyric of, 'It's a cold night in December, and I can barely stand.' Brilliant.

Ending such an excellent album strongly is no easy feat, but S&S definitely shine, putting an exclamation mark on their 7th studio album. The hypothetical storytelling of Grace is Sufficient is very effective, and leads well into the potent truth sung from God's perspective in the chorus. Such a wonderful track! And then come the enchanting guitars and strings in Lift Up Your Light, which never fails to draw me right into the uplifting prayer in the verses and the glorious declaration in the chorus. Awesome song. And of course, the perfect capper to it all is Praise Him, a calm, deeply resonant track that exudes worship out of every note. This I could sing over and over and over again... thus the meaning of the lyrics. Beautiful, powerful song.

As much as I was rocked by Clean, and as much as I was blown away by what they did with Pages, I'd be extremely hard pressed to tell you that The One You Need is not my favorite Shane & Shane album. But that's not what I'm doing here... Comparing their albums comes later. Much later. ;-) For now, it's compiling my list of Top 5 albums of 2011, and this one definitely deserves one of the top spots. There's no denying the sheer talent of Barnard and Everett in musicianship and crazy amazing vocals (see: perfect harmonies); but what I really love about these guys are their hearts. They truly seek hard after God in musical praise and worship, using their God-given abilities to give back to Him in song, as well as edifying the Body with relentless passion in their writing and bringing the Kingdom to Earth with their magnificent singing.

(One more thing: Another reason this album instantly catapulted to the top of my list was that S&S also put together a complete acoustic remix album of The One You Need. They redid and recorded every single song on the album with more of an unplugged, stripped sound. It's really, really good, as you could imagine.)

Do yourself a favor-- buy this album: Here's their website


Next up... Josh Garrels.

NEWNESS

It's pretty ridiculous that I haven't posted anything (ANYTHING!) on here in nearly 19 months! That is way, way too long...

My marriage thus far has been absolutely incredible. Liss is just... perfect for me... in every way. We're currently living in our 2nd place together, exactly 7 days before we begin the move into our 3rd, which is just a hop, skip, and jump over to the other top corner of the same building we're in now. Fun stuff... Plus, we're doing a bunch of buying and selling of different furniture and whatnot-- couches, TV, TV stand, bookshelves, etc. It's been kind of a whirlwind couple of days.

I'm in my last days (maybe?) at TNT Direct Sales Group, selling Comcast/Xfinity TV, HSI, & Phone. The first 8 months were really, really good, particularly September, in which PR's were my theme (60 in a week, 16 in a day, $2400 on a check, etc) down in Corvallis and Albany; however, the past 4-5 months haven't been so hot, especially the brutal stretch from end of October through beginning of February. Oct-Dec saw me attempting to step into a management role, but nothing panned out and Liss and I lost most of the massive amounts of money we saw pouring in in June-Sept. Long story, short, I might be getting a new job with Flir-- an Outbound Sales Specialist/Roadie. Salary. Commissions & Bonuses. Benefits. Paid travel. Good stuff! Praying and hoping for it.

What else, what else...

Wifey and I are part of and leading two house churches now, one on Sunday nights with Ben, Mandy, Ted, Acacia, Mindy, and Laura; and one on Monday nights with Chris, Liz, Dan, Ross, Shawna, Kyle, Jamie, Chris, Sarah, and sometimes Lootzy! MNF (Monday Night Fellowship) has really shifted over the past few months. What once was a tight-knit group of the Nichols', Perry's, Wortman's, Paul & Sarah, and sometimes Lootzy, has turned into a Solid Rock-affiliated group in which every person who comes (besides yours truly and Mrs. Nichols) attends Solid Rock. It has a much different focus than before, but I'm definitely enjoying getting to know these awesome new people and seeing who God has created them to be.

Praise God, though, for fellowship and gathering! We've been praying for wonderful opportunities like these for quite some time. We're excited to see what He has for us in the future with these 2 home churches, as well as how far our connections can spread and how powerfully the gospel can impact the people we come across.

Speaking of which, we've gotta go meet with our dear friends right now...

Grace and peace! :)

One or Many. ...

If it's 'to each his own' then where's the backbone? If the Teacher's thrown, we're all just drones, ready to robotically recite the most random religion that has even an ounce of reason. We throw tree rings and the air in there, and become yellow-bellied, no-eyed slugs with a preference for a trail in front rather than behind; one on which truth is created by the slime of pride in our godless life. Once we deny the very life-giver who cried it becomes so damn easy to refrain from trying, and we sort through the simple, the ordinary, the contrary to sight, the belief in ourselves as the center of every miniscule product of the invisible whole. But that's bull--we are not gods; we deserve no bowing down, no worship, no prayer, no indistinct distinction of sanctification by mediation of some other human. The Truth is not flawed; we are. To hurt is not to become sub-par: it's normal in this existence. It's been here since the first breach of innocence, persistently scathing our troubled hearts to form grimaces, and twisting our finite minds to instantly feign ignorance. It's deliverance that cleans those blemishes deep down in new hearts of flesh; and then a constant refreshing of insanely wise, Spirit-guided minds that are ever blessed. So stop pissin against the wind by resisting wisdom. We harm ourselves if we only accept legalistic systems, or the blister we call self-interest, forging ministry with cynicism by absolutely and cyclically insisting that absolutes don't exist.

I'm learning more and more about the tremendous power in the truth in action, in rejecting lies and receiving God's words over my life, and in not asking God to bless what I'm doing, but rather to do what God is blessing.